To My Prospective Mothers: The Pains I Wasn't Prepared For
A little over a year ago I posted a blog, “Empty Womb”, describing my desire to bear a child of my own. It was an emotionally dry season of my life—but in that dry desert, God met me there and quenched my desire with Himself. Unbeknownst to me, God was knitting away the perfect little human for my husband and I. Many months passed by when I found that God blessed me with a womb that was carrying a child. Fast forward into one month as a mother, I find myself feeling fulfilled more than ever for what God created me to do. Not just for His Kingdom calling, but what He’s purposed me to do as a woman and wife. Though being a mother brings great joy, it’s also brought many physical pains that drowns out the whispering mental and emotional pains. As a woman, you may hear from time to time how painful it is to deliver a child or about how many women suffer from postpartum depression. What [I feel] you rarely hear about is the healing process for the pains that come along with becoming a mother. With that said, I want to be as transparent as I can be about postpartum pains in order to give insight to all the prospective mothers out there. (Side note: this may be geared towards women, but I promise it has something for men as well).
My labor and delivery was smooth until after my child, Hezekiah, slid out of my womb. It was all joy after the nurse placed Hezekiah on my chest. Jay cut the umbilical cord; he was crying, I was tearing—this moment was filled with nothing but pure joy! Unfortunately, the joyful moment took a U-turn as I began to experience a severe headache, vomit, and became very drowsy. Turns out, as Hezekiah was making his way to the outside world, he tore open one of my primary vaginal veins. As a result, I lost a lot of blood and had to have an emergency blood transfusion. The scene in the delivery room was hectic, but even still, I thought that would be the worst part of what would happen after I delivered Hezekiah. Little did I know, I was not prepared for the postpartum pains and long healing process I’d have to endure for multiple weeks. These are the pains of my postpartum:
Pain I: A few hours after delivery, my epidural wore off and I was encouraged to urinate. As I exhaustingly made my way to the restroom and sat on the toilet, the worst stinging pain stirred me to be wide awake. It felt as if hornets were stinging my perineum area. I tried to stop my urination...but one thing I learned is that I had no control over my own postpartum body. Every part of my body was weak and still recovering. I dreaded using the restroom for a couple weeks because the pain was tormenting. Also, if I’m being honest here, I did shed a few tears during my first day of urination.
Tip: Put warm water in a squirt/peri bottle and spray as you urinate.
Pain II: Postpartum cramping is uncomfortably painful. It happens almost immediately after you deliver (well at least for me it did). My nurse told me it was because my uterus was working its way to go back to its normal size. Postpartum cramping has a different character from menstrual, third trimester, and labor cramps. This is the kind of cramping that takes the feeling of someone squeezing and pulling your uterus while also running it over with a bike repeatedly. To top it off with the cramping pain, my nurses checked-in every 2 hours to ensure blood was continuously flowing out of my uterus. To fasten the process, they used the palm of their hand to press down and put hard pressure on my uterus. So in addition to my painful postpartum cramps, more pressure was added onto my uterus to cause unbearable pain.
Tip: Stock up on ibuprofen, either prescribed by your doctor or purchase it over the counter. Also make sure you drink warm/hot water to alleviate the pain.
Pain III: Perineum/Incision pain is PAINFUL. Everything down under felt as if I was sitting on multiple burning candles. The pain is consistent, constant, and relentless. Consequently, it caused me to walk with my legs apart for several weeks. Even now, in my fourth week of postpartum, I feel random lingering perineum pain as if it was still my first week of postpartum. I’ve continued to bring my son’s boppy with me wherever I go around the house so I can sit on it to relieve myself of those lingering pains.
Tip: Ibuprofen!
Pain IV: The most unexpected pain was the vaginal and anal pressure that lasted for about one week. Honestly, this pain has no words or metaphor to describe it. It’s an odd pain because the pressure in itself can’t be felt anywhere else on your body. I was not able to comfortably live, nor take care of my child specifically because of this pressure. To all my current mothers, if you can explain/describe this pain...please help me out!
Tip: Ibuprofen!
Pain V: About three days after I gave birth to Hezekiah, I noticed an intolerable itchy needle-prick pain on my lower abdomen but was not sure exactly what it was. I scratched the area several times throughout the day to soothe the itchiness—before I knew it the itchiness spread and so did (disgusting) red bumps. Lo and behold, I had postpartum hives, also known as PUPPP, spreading all over my stretch marks (abdomen, glutes, hips, and thighs), and my arms. I had many sleepless nights because of how rigorous the irritation became at night. This pain was the primary reason for my sleep deprivation the first two weeks.
Tip: Take Benadryl when you start to feel itchy. Don’t wait for the irritation to increase.
Pain VI: My back was sore from the epidural shot, as well as my breasts from the milk production, and my belly was as loose as a plate of jello that’s been left out at room temperature. On top of that, I developed a rash in between my glutes due to wearing adult diapers for weeks to catch vaginal bleeding and discharge. The cherry on top was my inability to feel the urge to urinate and difficulty with urinary incontinence. I was close to crying when I urinated on myself for the first time. The thought of never being able to feel the urge to urinate or control my bladder again made me anxious for several nights. This also may be too raw for some of you, but even in my fourth week of postpartum, defecating is so painful. Despite taking stool softener pills, I make no mistake in saying that it feels like a rock shard is passing through. Do I almost cry everytime? No, but I sometimes shed a tear.
Tip: Take ibuprofen consistently to relieve yourself of the pain. Before leaving the hospital, ask your nurse for a stomach binder to keep your stomach in tact. If you do have a rash between your glutes, use butt butter at night. Stock up on diapers (I recommend Always Discreet Boutique) and stool softeners because you will be needing it for 3+ weeks.
To say that it was uncomfortable to live in my own body actually minimizes the reality of what I (and all mothers) have experienced during postpartum. One thing that my sister and I kept saying as we walked the same season together was, “The glamours of postpartum. Why did no one tell us the specifics of how much this would hurt.” These are the many physical postpartum pains I personally experienced; by no means does it mean that all mothers experience the same pains I did. Regardless, I applaud every mother, and especially single mothers for having to take care of themselves and their newborn. It is a difficult task that we undertake, but at the end of the day it is all worth it when we hold our little miracle in our arms. I hope my experience was insightful and will help you prepare for the pains to come. There will be many nights when you're exhausted from your healing body and your child, but joy will surely come in the morning.
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5).
To all the prospective fathers and men reading this—it is so crucial that you help your significant other (especially during the first 2 weeks). Not only will their lives change drastically, but so will their body. Their physical pains are only one-third of what they have to manage on a day-to-day basis. They still have their mental and emotional well-being to give attention to as well. It is an ironic mystery that God would design a woman’s body to (in a sense) reverse back into an infant as they delivered an infant. So with that, care for her in the same way that she will be caring for the newborn child. Moreover, words of affirmation is the strongest tool you can use to help her feel confident in who she is as a person, mother, and wife. As a mother, we already feel so much pressure to ensure we nurture our child well; all we ask is for our significant other to bear some of the pressure with us.
(Edited)
CY