Coming to Peace: Part II
Coming to Peace - Depression. Anxiety. Depersonalization. These were all very raw emotions, and they are all very serious mental illnesses. By the power of God, a lot has been done to remediate the suffering except the trauma. In full transparency, I still struggle with anxiety [and depersonalization]. I’ve wrestled with the question, “why am I still struggling when my faith has been refined to be stronger than before?” But the fact is that we live in a broken world filled with sin. Anxiety is the proof of sin, in which some experience the reality of how sin has tainted the world. Will the deep cuts of fear engraved in anxiety ever be eradicated? With a joyful heart, I exclaim with a yes! “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17).”
Growing up, I used to think my life would always be rainbows and butterflies. But God has a funny way of proving our thoughts and plans faulty. Now that I’m a lot older, I know now that life does not consist of rainbows and butterflies. Instead, it is a battleground. It is safe to say though, that when God seeks to deter our plans to His ways, He always ensures we are ready and equipped. This is where the actual beginning of “Coming to Peace” started--in a lush and overflowing season of His blessings.
Before mental illness knocked my world upside down, God was preparing and equipping me in many spiritual blessings. Months before the battle began, the good Lord led me to move away from studying the Old Testament to read through the Four Gospels. The spiritual blessings were the mysteries of His Truth that He uncovered to me. My heart was full of assurance, hope, and joy. God strengthened my faith to intentionally walk by faith and not by sight in my life during this lush season. But this lush season of mine left as swift and unexpectedly as it came.
Mental illness was not a season of dryness--it was a season of raging waters and unconstrained fire. I’ll admit, at first I was taken off guard because it happened so suddenly. But the Spirit pressed me forward to continue reading through the Gospels despite my emotional and mental state. As I continued reading while in the fire, I came across Luke 11:13, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” I remember after meditating on Luke 11:13, I began to pray for more of the Holy Spirit and His work within me hour after hour every day. The Holy Spirit was not silent; He gently led me through every step of my fear and every Word of God’s Holy book. “So the church throughout Judea and Galilee and Samaria had peace and was being built up. And walking in the fear of the Lord and in comfort of the Holy Spirit, it multiplied (Acts 9:31).” Every day, the Holy Spirit comforted me and spoke Truth into my heart and mind. It was through Him that my fear began to subside. It was through Him that I learned of the true power of God’s Truth against the enemy.
The battles seemed never ending, but God gave me the Sword of Truth before I even knew I needed it. He trained me before I even knew I needed to be trained. “For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you (Isaiah 41:13).” Many times before the Israelites went to battle, God prepared them. He prepared their hearts by commanding them to pray to God for help and instructed them accordingly. God equipped them with horses, men, chariots, the right environment, etc. to win the battle.
I began to believe that I was never a child of God. Everything that I’ve ever done in my Christian life was all for pride. Salvation was no gift of mine and God was no friend to me. God was a liar and did not love me. Ending my life would be significantly better than living in fear.
“Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they (Matthew 6:26)...Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31).” These two Truths of God gave me the assurance I needed to fight through the enemy’s lies. I found myself meditating and reciting these two versus throughout the spiritually violent battles.
If I am more valuable than sparrows, and if my heavenly Father gives to them their needs--I knew then that He would surely give to me what I needed in due time as well. God was all I had, and when I discovered that—I found He was all I needed. The enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy, but Christ came so that we may have life in Him (John 10:10). The devil could not steal my identity in Christ, he could not kill me because I have eternal life in Christ, and he will not destroy me because God has already determined him to be the destroyed one. God is the only Savior--it is Him alone who holds this title. “I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed…(Isaiah 43:11-12).”
I am sure that in an unprecedented time like this, there are many people struggling to come to peace. The ramifications of COVID-19 have caused millions to be unemployed, local and state governments have called for a city/county wide shutdown, the country is in shambles, and racism against the Asian-American community is at an all time high. I’ve seen many friends share their worries and anxieties on Facebook; I’ve heard friends telling me of their anxiety and minor panic attacks due to our world’s current situation. But let me encourage you with this...God did not bring us into this trial unprepared. He’s equipped us with faith, hope, and peace. He’s given us Jesus Christ--the perfecter of our faith, object of our hope, and path to our peace. We need not feel helpless when we have the God of the Universe on our side.
The Word of the Lord says, “When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the LORD will answer them; I the God of Israel will not forsake them (Isaiah 41:17-18).” God will not forsake us in our depression, our anxieties, our worries; He will never forsake His people. He will give us exactly what we need because we are of more value than many sparrows. Let us rest on His eternal promises for peace.
CY